


By Me (For You)

by tripletrhythm



Category: VIXX
Genre: M/M, Pensive, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tripletrhythm/pseuds/tripletrhythm
Summary: Hakyeon was always breathtakingly graceful. It seemed almost second-nature to him, just another thing he does mindlessly like breathing or blinking.Sanghyuk wishes he could exude the same gracefulness.





	By Me (For You)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This fic is a bit unusual in where there’s no dialogue tag/quotation marks. All of the dialogue is either written in the text or written in a new line break. It’s a little experimental, but I hope it works with the overall mood of the fic. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are loved and appreciated, thank you for reading ~

Hakyeon was always breathtakingly graceful. It seemed almost second-nature to him, just another thing he does mindlessly like breathing or blinking.

 

Sanghyuk wishes he could exude the same gracefulness. He’s not clumsy, not by a long shot, but he never quite knows what to do with his general bulk. He remembers a time where he used to lift his eyes upwards just a little to meet Hakyeon’s gaze; now, he tilts his head downwards to smile at his pretty hyung.

 

He asks Taekwoon about it one day - out of the members, Taekwoon also seems the most at tentative ease with his body. Despite being pretty and proportionate, all broad shoulders and slender waist, he holds himself similarly to Sanghyuk - hunching ever so lightly, limbs held close. It’s like he’s not one hundred percent sure what to do with his height and slim limbs if he doesn’t actively think about it, just kind of lets them jut out at odd angles.

 

Taekwoon hums. He doesn’t give a clear answer, just tells Sanghyuk it’s a feeling. An uncertain confidence in yourself. You don’t need to be graceful to be beautiful, Sanghyuk,and there’s a knowing glint in his narrow eyes. Sanghyuk doesn’t quite reply, and he lowers his gaze when Taekwoon tilts his head towards Hakyeon’s direction, the leader talking with Jaehwan at the other side of the table.

 

Taekwoon looks graceful sometimes, Sanghyuk thinks enviously, watching some recordings in his bedroom. Wonshik is gone, as usual, so Sanghyuk sits petulantly on his bed, smells the faint scents of Wonshik’s body wash and cologne and face lotion he steals from Hongbin. Taekwoon moves fluidly, taking advantage of his leaner frame as he twists his arms and twirls his fingers. Sanghyuk finishes the video before finding one of Hakyeon, and Taekwoon’s lanky elegance is nothing compared to the man who practically walks with an air of grace. Hakyeon steps lightly, spins as if the wind carries him, fingers dipping up and down with unfair and deadly precision.

 

Sanghyuk closes his laptop with a noisy sigh and smothers his face into Wonshik’s pillow.

 

Hyukkie.

 

Hakyeon’s voice sweet as ever. A hand shakes his shoulder and he groans. Wake up, Sanghyuk. Practice starts soon.

 

When he cracks open his eyes, Hakyeon is already walking away, already so light footed this early in the morning. He blinks after the leader, momentarily mesmerized before a yawn breaks from his lips. Sanghyuk has half a mind to yank the covers back over his head but he knows Hongbin will hustle in and forcibly haul him out. With a sigh, he pulls back the blanket and lets his feet hit the floor with a noisy thud. He plods out the room, nearly bumps into Jaehwan tottering down the hall, and then does bump into Hakyeon. Strong, small hands grip at his biceps and he’s laughing softly. Hyukkie, you good? Did you sleep enough?

 

Yeah, I slept plenty. There’s a pretty smile, and a quick kiss to his cheek atop tippy toes to reach. That’s good, Sanghyuk, I’m glad to hear.

 

Sanghyuk’s not sure what face he’s making, but his ears feel hot. So hot.

 

Hakyeon’s not stingy with kisses. He kisses them all the time, on cheeks and atop of heads. So why does Sanghyuk feel like his ears might melt off?

 

There’s a clatter in the kitchen and a soft voice calling out to Hakyeon, Hakyeonnie, have you seen the creamer? Or did we run out?

 

You can’t remember you used all of your creamer? He’s laughing, smile now directed elsewhere and just like that, Hakyeon floats off to accost Taekwoon and his nefarious coffee drinking habit. Sanghyuk touches his cheek, briefly, before Hongbin kicks lightly at his butt in passing, move Sanghyuk, you’re taking up the whole hallway with those shoulders.

 

Yah! As if you can talk! He prods at Hongbin’s shoulder blade, but the words cling to his mind. How much space he takes up.

 

I want to learn contemporary. Sanghyuk’s dance teacher looks a little surprised at the sudden request. He doesn’t say he wants to feel graceful, and not in their usual choreography sort of way. VIXX’s choreography was always just a touch less powerful than most boy groups, focusing more on hand gestures and a careful sensuality. Whenever Hakyeon has a hand in their dances, there are twirls spun into the work.

 

Okay. She smiles and pats his arm. Let’s pick a song for you to dance to.

 

It takes a while but he eventually settles onto Til Dusk To Dawn, and it evolves from a solo dance to two people. His mind ricochets to all the times Hakyeon performs with a female dancer, their elegance almost unbound and wild. They always fall into one another, a seamless machine, a rippling lake on a breezy day. It takes time, so much time, it takes practice, so much practice, but Sanghyuk works himself away from the heavy familiar dancing he (and Wonshik) usually does to something where he finds himself on his toes, fingers splayed to the heavens for something he’s not sure he’s reaching for. He lets himself fall into the music instead of trying to keep pace with it. Is this how Hakyeon does it? Does he let himself fall and fall and fall?

 

Sanghyuk, you look amazing.

 

The voice startled Sanghyuk and he almost slips on the next step, still unused to dancing without sneakers. Hands are already grabbing at his biceps, a familiar landing spot, and he wonders how Hakyeon got to him so quickly. Does he fall and let the wind carry him? Are you alright, Sanghyuk? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.

 

It’s fine, hyung. Hakyeon peers at him for a moment longer before nodding.

 

Do you want help on footwork? Hakyeon asks, kind as ever and open for rejection. It’s an art he’s perfected, a mastering of the tone of voice so that if people (members) want his help they can accept it or if they don’t, they can deny it without too much guilt.

 

Yeah. He watches Hakyeon stand next to him through the mirror, his slender frame an offset of Sanghyuk’s broader one. He smiles at Sanghyuk before taking a few simple steps and telling Sanghyuk to follow, directing him along as the steps grow more elaborate, arm movements and quick turns being incorporated. Sanghyuk, you’re doing so well.

 

He blushes and almost falters on the next steps as Hakyeon laughs so prettily, smile wide and cheeks round. Hyukkie, should I stop complimenting you? You get awfully shy.

 

It’s alright. Just surprised me.

 

Cute.

 

When Sanghyuk starts filming the dance to show Starlights, the warehouse is chilly. Every exhale brings out a white cloud from his lips. He’s been practicing with the female dancer, initially frightened that he might drop her as he launches towards him and he catches her before spinning. She reassured him with a cute smile that his catch is very sturdy. He’s not particularly used to dancing with a woman in such close proximity, always just a little worried he might unintentionally hurt them or drop them. He feels almost too big around them, even with the taller ones. They feel lithe. They let themselves tumble into the wind. But he thinks he’s got it now. He feels more light footed. He feels like the wind is pulling him along instead of him pushing against it. He almost, almost doesn’t feel too lanky or too broad.

 

The filming goes well, carefully shot and reviewed over and over. He doesn’t miss the proud gleam in his dance instructor’s eyes when they finish the last scene. That was wonderful, Sanghyuk, I’m so proud of you.

 

Thank you, as he ducks his head shyly. I hope Starlights likes it as well.

 

When he returns back to the dorms that evening, Hakyeon is beaming. I heard you did well, Hyukkie, I can’t wait to see.

 

Awww, hyung. Sanghyuk can hear the whine that he has whenever Hakyeon praises him. It’s at odds with he prickling warmth in his chest. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

 

But it is something I haven’t seen before, Hakyeon counters, because you don’t do contemporary as often. Just because I’ve seen it and I dance it doesn’t mean I’ve seen you specifically dance it.

 

Hakyeon’s close. He’s so close.

 

Sanghyuk shudders and steps back, smiling weakly. Thanks, hyung, falls from his lips as Hakyeon’s expression slips. I’m going to go shower now.

 

Alright, Hyuk. I’ll be in my room if you need anything. Hakyeon turns around and pads back to his room, the door left slightly ajar, an invitation for anyone to come in and talk. It’s their open door policy, though Hakyeon is the only one who usually keeps the door actually open - everyone else usually keeps theirs closed but unlocked.

 

Sanghyuk stands alone in the hall for a few more heartbeats before heading into the bathroom, closing the door with a click and sinking atop the closed toilet seat, wondering how he feels more tired now than when he was shooting the same steps over and over to make sure they were perfect.

 

Perfection always seems so out of reach.

 

Unlike people.

 

Distancing is never really a Hakyeon thing — he likes being up in other people’s spaces, hanging off their arms or holding them around their shoulders. He knows when to back off, through trials and errors of the past, but he’s rarely ever distant even then, staying close but not quite hovering (even if they complain that’s exactly what hovering is). He has a presence that invites, and Sanghyuk doesn’t understand why he feels like there’s a closed door between them.

 

Taekwoon notices it first because when doesn’t Taekwoon notice something? He gives Sanghyuk an inquisitive look when Hakyeon gives Sanghyuk a pat on the arm during breakfast before drifting out the kitchen. Sanghyuk lowers his eyes, unsure how to spell it out to his hyung. Is something the matter, Hyukkie?

 

No, not that I know of. Maybe Hakyeon-hyung isn’t feeling well and doesn’t want to pass it on.

 

Taekwoon stirs his coffee. Really? He seems healthy to me.

 

Maybe he just caught it.

 

The spoon clinks against the sides of the mug, and Sanghyuk can’t swallow, can’t seem to inhale.

 

Alright.

 

Sanghyuk doesn’t know why he drops the issue so readily, but then Taekwoon also leaves the kitchen and towards the direction of Hakyeon’s room.

 

Ever since that evening in the hallway, the aborted, panicked step back, Hakyeon too has been stepping back. Sanghyuk doesn’t know how to approach it, and he realizes something else he couldn’t ever fine tune in the same way Hakyeon does: his emotions. He keeps it close to himself, chains it up, only pushing forward what he wants to show. Hakyeon doesn’t hesitate to hide his disdain, his rage, his delight, his love.

 

His love.

 

Why is he hiding himself now?

 

Sanghyuk doesn’t get to wallow for long, Jaehwan clattering into the kitchen in the noisy, distracting way that he does. Hyukkie, what’s there to eat?

 

Gosh, hyung, I don’t know since someone raided my snacks that I hid.

 

I have no idea what you’re talking about! Jaehwan’s voice is high and disdainful and Sanghyuk laughs, trying to shake away his anxiety. Hyung, do you want to go to the shops and buy something?

 

Sure, Hyukkie, let me get changed.

 

They walk down the street to the nearby shop, masks on to cover their faces; Sanghyuk with a beanie crammed on his head and Jaehwan with big specs and a ball cap. It’s an amicable silence, though Sanghyuk is pretty sure Jaehwan is casting sidelong glances at him all the way to the shop. He pretends he doesn’t notice as he grabs at packaged noodles and drops them into his basket. Jaehwan tosses some crackers and some grape juice, probably for Hakyeon. Sanghyuk watches as Jaehwan sets down a fruit bowl and an iced latte before shooing him to the check out line.

 

Jaehwan hefts one of the two bags. Sanghyuk, what’s going on?

 

Sanghyuk doesn’t miss the way Jaehwan picks the bag without the grape juice.

 

Nothing’s going on, hyung. Why would you say that?

 

Hyukkie, come on now, even Wonshik’s knows something’s up and you know how dense he can be sometimes. What’s going on between you and Hakyeon-hyung.

 

Well maybe it’s just something that’s between the two of us and doesn’t need you guys’ meddling!

 

Sanghyuk shocks himself with his snapping retort, Jaehwan raises one cool eyebrow at Sanghyuk’s tone. Oh yeah?

 

Sorry hyung... I didn’t mean to lash out.

 

I’m not mad, Hyuk. I’m just worried about you and hyung.

 

Sanghyuk slumps, wondering why the single bag he’s holding feels heavier than any of the weights he lifts at the gym.

 

You’re a smart kid, Jaehwan continues. I know you’ll figure it out.

 

And if I don’t?

 

Somehow I have confidence you will.

 

I’m glad one of us does.

 

Have hope in yourself, Sanghyuk. Jaehwan clasps one hand on Sanghyuk’s neck and gives it a little squeeze. So, like, I’m hungry and I’m just going to eat my snacks so I don’t have to share.

 

Hyung, not even with me?

 

Only if you ask nicely.

 

Hyung, I will throw you.

 

A bag of chips is shoved in his face, here you go Hyukkie eat well!

 

When they reach the dorm, Jaehwan points to the grape juice boxes on the counter. Bring that to Hakyeon-hyung. And talk.

 

About?

 

Don’t play stupid, Sanghyuk. Jaehwan’s eyes narrow and his lips thin out unhappily, and it’s not uncommon to see Jaehwan annoyed but it’s rarer to see him genuinely disappointed or upset. With an abashed nod, Sanghyuk picks up the carton and heads towards Hakyeon’s room.

 

The door is open and Sanghyuk is about to head right in when he hears another voice talking with Hakyeon. He hesitates.

 

Just talk to him.

 

Apparently, everyone is giving out this advice today.

 

But what if Sanghyuk doesn’t want to talk to me? Sanghyuk winces, hearing the despairing, worried tone in Hakyeon’s words, and he realizes it’s not a tone he wants to hear from his hyung, a hyung who always tries to stay so strong and positive. He straightens, takes a breath, and knocks on the door. Hyung?

 

Hongbin is already up and moving, giving Sanghyuk a small smile. He pats Hakyeon on the shoulder and just looks at the leader. Hakyeon doesn’t quite make eye contact in return but nods.

 

Have a good talk, you two. Hongbin brushes shoulders with Sanghyuk as leaves the two of them alone, Hakyeon still on the ground and Sanghyuk hovering awkwardly.

 

Come sit.

 

Sanghyuk hurries to comply, plopping down by Hakyeon, his bag rustling with a reminder. He sticks his hand in and withdraws the drinks, handing the cartons to Hakyeon. Here, hyung. Bought you this.

 

Oh, Hyukkie, you didn’t have to~ it sounds almost, almost like Hakyeon, the words familiar but the tone is just a little off. Do you want one?

 

Sure. Sanghyuk watches as Hakyeon detaches one carton from the pack and hands it over. The grape juice feels small in his hands, and he stabs the straw into the drink. They sip in silence, and Sanghyuk can’t taste a thing.

 

Hyukkie, I’m sorry.

 

Wait, what? No, no, Sanghyuk should be the one apologizing—

 

I’ve overstepped my boundaries, haven’t I? Hakyeon’s voice is neutral but when Sanghyuk sneaks a glance, his eyes are sad. Disappointed, but not at him. At himself.

 

No, hyung, it’s not you it’s—

 

Hyuk, really? There’s a tinge of laughter now. Is it really you?

 

It’s me, Sanghyuk finishes the clichè. He tries to fill the awkward silence by sipping his juice only to find out it’s empty. It’s like the universe is telling him to quit trying to find excuses.

 

I panicked.

 

You panicked?

 

You were so close and I... I didn’t know what I would do.

 

Throw me? Hakyeon’s teasing him now, and Sanghyuk knows it’s an out, he’s giving him an out to save face and bury his stupid feelings, but.

 

No.

 

What? Hakyeon frowns now, confused. So... if I were to come closer, you wouldn’t throw me.

 

No...

 

Hakyeon sets his juice down and angles his body towards Sanghyuk.

 

He scoots.

 

Sanghyuk keeps his eyes on his juice, trying not to look at Hakyeon from his peripherals.

 

He shuffles.

 

Sanghyuk’s fingers tighten around the empty carton, a wheeze of air being released from the depths.

 

Hakyeon’s knees brush against his own and Sanghyuk glances up.

 

Sanghyuk has seen countless comments about Hakyeon’s gazes. They bore deep into you, eyes half-lidded and angled. He’s sent Starlights squealing in glee with just a single unending glance towards the audience, eyes bright. They pin you down, strip you, make you feel like all your secrets are exposed.

 

Does Hakyeon know Sanghyuk’s secret?

 

Sanghyuk, I’m close. Now what?

 

Sanghyuk lifts his head higher. Hakyeon continues to watch him, his gaze softening. The question is framed in a way where Sanghyuk can still get out, still make a quip and diffuse the tension but.

 

He can’t. He can’t do any of that.

 

So he does what he can.

 

He kisses Hakyeon, soft and chaste and quick. It was more of a peck, really, and he shuts his eyes so he doesn’t have to see Hakyeon’s expression. His eyelids bleed disappointment.

 

Sanghyuk.

 

A hand cups his cheek.

 

Look at me.

 

He opens his eyes.

 

May I?

 

He closes his eyes.

 

Yes.

 

Lips touch his own again, softer than before but lingers. Sanghyuk sighs when Hakyeon pulls back but doesn’t move away, hand still cradling Sanghyuk’s cheek.

 

I like you.

 

It falls from Sanghyuk’s lips, a confession so hushed that perhaps Hakyeon read his lips to understand what he said because he couldn’t hear.

 

Sanghyuk, I like you too. I like you a lot. Hands now cradle his face. I’m sorry I made it awkward before.

 

Hyung, it was me.

 

I meant the avoiding. Surely you didn’t miss that, considering even Wonshik asked me if something was wrong. Bright laughter, aha ha ha. They lapse into silence, at peace with the existence of one another, the warm proximity of one another.

 

Are we good?

 

Hakyeon gives Sanghyuk another kiss. I’m good, Hyukkie. Are you good?

 

Sanghyuk nods. Yes. Yes I’m good.

 

Hakyeon’s hand squeezes his own. Then we’re good.

 

Sanghyuk looks down at their joined hands and smiles. Good.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: I wrote and uploaded this whole thing from my phone and I will never do this again hsjsksk ao3 on mobile is a touch too chaotic 
> 
> Also, in the original draft they were drinking banana milk before I remembered, yeah, Hyuk is lactose intolerant. Anyways, I hope this experimental style worked - let me know if it did or if it was a mess lol -w-
> 
> twt: @taekwoonhoney


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